Ever the hopeful romantic and sappy sentimental one, I love to take stock of my life on birthdays.

Today I am 45.

In my 45 trips around the sun, I have learned so much. I have overcome things that were devastating. I have gone on adventures. I have laughed and loved my messy way through this life the best way I knew how. I made mistakes, I learned from them. I healed my broken heart and I finally stepped into who I was meant to be. All of these events have humbled and shaped me into the woman I am today.

And I am fucking proud of who she turned out to be.

There is still much to do, learn, and become and I will chase those dreams and create new ones until the day I die. Because a life without dreams is one not worth living.

This year was a huge one for me personally and professionally. I gave myself permission to become an author. I published my first book in November and my most successful one in June. The plans I have for future projects excite me so much that most nights it is hard to fall asleep and I bounce out of bed in the morning, excited to step back into the worlds my words have built. It is endlessly fulfilling and I am finding such joy in the journey. Soon it will be my only focus and I am full of faith that 45 is the year many more of my dreams will come true.

I have a man by my side that supports me endlessly and cheers me on when I want to quit. He shows me how easy the right relationship is and I am so lucky.  He came with a ton of incredible friends that have welcomed this weirdo with open arms and brought a flow of amazing people and fun into my life. My daughter is the most creative being I have ever known. She surprises me constantly with her skills, from transforming thrift store finds with paint and metal studs, to her quick-witted snort inducing retorts to my typical momisms. She is my brightest light and I am so happy to see her shine. My son is on a journey of his own, an adult now, and I am learning to give him the space to make his own decisions and not rush to control him. I have learned to let go and trust that he will figure it out. Easily one of the hardest lessons my momma’s heart had to learn.

Life is just so incredibly beautiful. Some days and some people will break your heart and some of them will put you back together. The funny thing is, you will never know which is which at the outset, and if you try to guess, you most likely will be wrong.

Some people hate getting old. I savor it. Yes, the evidence of it, the wrinkles, intermittent back pain, and gray hair isn’t as much fun, but the knowing and the peace that you have about life and yourself is so worth the physical toll. Some people don’t get the luxury of getting to chase their dreams for 45 years, for this I am grateful.

So cheers to 45 years.

XOXO Ninya

PS. If you love these blog posts, help me keep the lights on and Doritos in the pantry for my teenager, by checking out one of my books below. There's something for everyone. "Velvet Guild" is naughty and explicit. (Erotic Romance), "Scotland with a Stranger" is a memoir of my trip to Scotland last May and "AnaStasia" is a parallel lives story (Women's Fiction) 

Velvet Guild

Friends Don't Let Friends Stay Vanilla

Desperate times…call for sexy solutions.

Aimee is panicking, feeling like a middle-aged failure, barely scraping by, raising a teenager alone. She is also a submissive who yearns to be dominated in the bedroom.

Scotland with a Stranger:A Memoir

“Who goes to Scotland for two weeks with a stranger they met over the internet?” 

At forty-three, Ninya was depressed, out of shape, and filled with crippling anxiety after addiction, cancer, and divorce had destroyed nearly everything. One day, she received a message from a stranger.


This is the story of one life, lived two different ways.

In one reality, “Stasia” is the beloved daughter of doting parents who spare no expense in supporting her ambition and talent. 

In another reality, “Ana” washes dishes at a nursing home to buy her carefully-budgeted art supplies, waiting until her alcoholic father passes out before creeping downstairs to paint.  

First You Then Him

A Former Trainwreck’s Guide to Becoming then Finding a Healthy Partner

Wish you had a big sister to take you by the hand to tell you why things aren’t working in your life?

After two decades of making all the wrong decisions when it came to life and men, Ninya has learned a lifetime of valuable lessons about both.

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